"...And Boy, Are My Arms Tired."

Went to Puerto Prinsesa last Friday (flying ZestAir is fine, the heck w/ the horror stories) to attend TinTin (Palawan)'s wedding. Came back yesterday. Will get to more detail when I have time. :)

So What'd It FEEEEEeeel Like? (UPDATED, and How)

The plan came about after a movie, (a nice coming-of-age teen romantic dramedy) and over a chicken and soaked beef steak dinner (salty as hell). Think the other party's "excitement" over initiating him to this whole new word surpassed my anxiousness to experience it. Curiosity was abound, of course, but next to shoplifting waaay back when, this probably the closest to outlawness as it can get for him. And he uses uTorrent.

To the windy balcony!

First thing that struck him was the burning at the back of the throat, like someone put out a weak ciggie down there. Or an acid reflux w/burn instead of bile.

Then nothing. Fruity paper smell from the source. And burnt... paper? Other party's again all smiles and giggles over seeming charge in disposition from him when he didn't notice.

Come round deux it hit him: a sudden cotton-filling of the head. No, not filling, more like his brain was being blanketed with cloud and fog. When he stared at his fingers they seemed to wiggle in microscopic waves. There was also a slight blood rush to the head, but that was probably from standing up too quick.

Other than that no exaggerated sensations came over him. Things were more slow than funny.

When he got home tiramusu and a glass-and-a-half of milk mad for a midnight snack. Yums. No sugar-induced headache, either.

VERDICT: First experience overrated, as he might need to practice more and given more time to absorb material to apprecite its effect, if not its value.

That said, he gives his thanks and wishes them a safe travel safe until their return.

UPDATE: Around 5 in the morning, it hit him. A wrenching in the gut, nudging at the back of the throat. Really unpleasant. Then came what can only be described as being involuntarily prepped for a colonoscopy.

While that was fairly managed, the retching was not. Holy. God. Imagine your body was a wet towel and it was wrung to the limits to get the water out. It was like someone pushing his guts out w/ an open fist from under the ribs. And apparently the noises one makes when retching can't be controlled. He sounded like a ogre calling out for little kids to eat. Something's still stuck in the nasal passages, because everything at the moment smells like Parmesan cheese.

Had managed to eat breakfast, but won't be driving anywhere soon. Has to stay in and see if all that food this stay in this time. In the meantime and the foreseeable future: Just Say No.

SECOND UPDATE: He stayed in all day and night, bedridden. Endured loss of appetite, sore back and shoulders, headaches, sensitive skin, stuffy nose, pending nausea (i.e. wanting to puke but nothing's coming out), slight fever, hyperventilating and overall feeling craptacular.

AMENDED VERDICT: The otherwise healthy body offered little resistance to foreign substances, w/c is ironic since his immune system did its damnedest to flush it out. Guess it wasn't meant to be. The one time learning the hard way really was... ugh.

Coulda Been Bettah

Just got back from emceeing my first wedding reception this year (Yes, I've been having a bit of a dry spell, gig-wise) , held at the Sofitel Grand Ballroom for newlyweds (and, I'd like to think, new friends) Edmund and Candice (Tiu) Tang. Inspite of today's heavy rains (Sunday Floody Sunday) since I took EDSA I made it with time to spare.

The most popular feature at the reception was definitely the photo booth, but I wasn't able to partake of it. Also, for the longest time I've been taking less and less good pix of events I attend, w/c worries me, but I digress.

To describe my perfomance as being rough around the edges would be a kindness. "Edges?" Try "Needing a for a sandblaster."

My first pre-show misstep came when I left the DVD of the AVP in the car. Luckily my Personal Assistant* was able to retrieve it for me.

My first official misstep came the minute I introduced myself and called out the first pair of principal sponsors, because I misread my PA's hand signals and started the show when I should've just asked the principal sponsors to gather out in the hall.

Then on my second try, I missed saying "Mr." and "Mrs." twice in my introductions (sorry, parents of the Groom). Then my DVD wouldn't play (Pioneer DVD players can be really picky when it comes to DVD-RWs), so we had to use the WDTV box. More cues missed thanks to spotlight guy not being to spot the people named during the acknowledgments, but it turned out I was really just supposed to mention their names, period.

I missed one couple out of the 7 I was supposed to call for the Kiss-Or-Dice game, and the second game of bachelor limbo rock wasn't executed as well as I wanted, so selecting the winner felt a bit ambiguous.

Final official flub was me rambling near the end, since I was asked to wrap it up w/o actually saying "Good night," since the band was still gonna jam w/the entourage, etc.

Post-show flub? Failed to print business cards. At least one girl asked for one, but luckily I had pencil and extra kodigo paper at hand.

All in all it felt like a wedding dinner rehearsal that played live, warts and all. And boy, it played quickly. We were done in less than 2 hours. Bride grumbled a bit at my performance (welcome to the club, dear), but overall seemed fine with it. Groom was more forgiving, as well as the newlyweds' moms. Not expecting any references from wedding coorindator anytime soon.

Lessons learned? Try to find more ways to engage the audience. I think my catchphrase of the night was "Let's hear the sound of 1300 hands clapping," (they had 65 tables at 10pax) but it never occurred to me that due to the heavy rains a lot of guests had to cancel, so my clever bit falls prey to inancurrate math. The other cathphrase? "Sound Salad, ladies and gentlemen." I think I introduced the band so many times I was starting to sound like their manager.

Good points? Well, I look damn snazzy in a suit and tie. Plus I didn't have to speak Chinese, tho' that meant all that translating I had done and rehearsing my lines were for naught.

And now as host I'd like to thank the following:

Thanks to Kym for getting me this gig.

Thanks to wedding coordinator ex-tah-roar-da-naire Caroline Sevilla for steering the ship through choppy waters. If you privately badmouth my performance tonight I totally understand.

Thanks to my P.A. Carlos, 'coz now I can say I've had a personal assistant assigned to me (I feel like Carrie Fisher). Honestly, in all the time I've been doing this I've been given a P.A. to help me out.

Thanks finally to Edmund and Candice for trusting me to do my job when, honestly, they could have gotten someone else, someone more experienced, possibly funnier and w/ much better hair and charisma. I know I was a last-minute replacement of-sorts, so I hope I didn't disappoint either of you too badly. ;)

CelluLost, CelluFound

Yesterday while dropping Mom off at the side entrance of SM Sta. Mesa (near their SM Appliances building), I dropped my cellphone, but didn't notice it was missing 'til I got home. Used Ma's phone to call it, but didn't hear a peep from inside the Hi-Ace.

Not in here, then. But I know I had it w/ me on the road. Crap, must've fallen off outside Centerpoint.

I started calling it. No answer. I sent text messages to it saying the phone was reported missing, and to call Mom's cell if found ASAP. Went back w/ the driver to the "scene of the crime" and asked the traffic guard if he noticed a Nokia 6300 lying on the road about an hour ago (no joke). He said he didn't and directed me to their customer relations office. They said no-one reported anything of a sort, but I left my contact numbers w/ them just the same.

Went home and texted the same notice to my phone, but in poorly worded Tagalog. I added the para makakuha nang biyaya, thinking the latter word meant "reward," but it actually meant, "grace" or "blessing."

Either way it worked. Couple of minutes later I got a call from someone named "Hammer" ("Parang yung martilyo?" "Oo, ganun din yung spelling.") who said he found my phone and lived in V. Mapa (Whew, malapit). We arranged to meet this morning at the Mercury Drugstore branch near Centerpoint.

When he was late I was getting antsy, but eventually inside the pharmacy I was approached by a decently dressed (tho' effeminately made up) man who asked me, "Kayo ba si Wel-vin?" Just then left pants pocket sang out my Simpsons acapella ringtone. I answered it, and it was Bebot (who accompanied me as a "lookout") asking if this was Hammer. I told her I got the phone and gave Hammer a cash envelope before parting ways.

Lessons learned? One: Don't be so freakin' absentminded w/ handling your cellphones. If it's on your lap, put it in your bag. Two: Honest people are out there. You just have to make an effort to find them. :)

Wish It Was Under Better Circumstances (UPDATED)

Broke it off w/ my girlfriend tonight (or 3 1/2 hours before midnight). It's been building up for some time, but my cowardice dragged on the relationship longer than it should have. I thought with time deeper feelings would grow naturally and things would improve, but in the end I couldn't match her affection for me, and she deserves someone that would, could and should. Can't force these things.

It was confusing for me to hear her say she sorta saw it coming but was "shocked" and "in disbelief" when I said the words. Still, I'm the breaker, not the breakee, so I let her voice out emotionally and otherwise. Pointing out her faults would've been, well, pointless. Whole thing took about an hour.

Further fallout will be dealt with, particularly w/ returning properties. The Sun cellphone goes back to her, as well as borrowed laptop and her paperback collection. But I told her she could keep the iPod, since it was a birthday gift, and the shirt Mom gave her.

And then there's Family. She still has a shirt deal w/ Boit, and possible sale of wholesale cloth for beddings w/ Evett. On my end I was supposed to make a DVD for her dad compiling the pictures of our trip to Batangas.

Billy Joel was right: Tell her about it. Tell her everything you feel. Otherwise you might end up quoting Michael Bolton (and who the hell wants that): Said I loved you, but I lied.

Advance apologies to Dee, KV, Rons and 'Sen. Guess you won't get to meet her after all. Guess I'm attending that Puerto Prinsesa wedding solo, relatively speaking. More "Me" time. Whee.

UPDATE: We agreed to still be friends.

Beijinoys Back

And Lo, it's been awhile since I was with this many Beijinoys under one roof. Aileen was in town w/ her new boyfriend Jeff(?), so Liza and I met up w/ them at Alessi's in T. Morato, joined by Di, Tin and Wilson. We had the meat and fish mixed platters.

Our nightcap was at Jack's Loft one floor below. We were later joined by Axel, Pau (they've been a couple for about 2 years but I only confirmed it today, eesh) and Jeff's friend, 6 foot 2 inches tall guy Name Escapes me. (Gaah, note to self: nametags.)

Bed Detective

Once upon a time, in a bid to find out what was causing my upper back to be sore when I wake up in the morning, I turned over my mattress (and as anyone who's turned over a king-sized mattress on their own can attest, it can be a real backbreaker for something seemingly so soft).

I was horrified to find what looked like sawdust on the base of my bed. Naturally my first thought was termites. That night I swept up the up the "sawdust" and turned over the mattress anyway.

Cut to coupla months later. My upper back still hurt (suspicions now lay on old shoulder injury, but that's another story), so I decided to turn over the mattress again. Again, but w/ awe rather than shock, I saw sawdust. Got the vacuum cleaner this time. What I found odd was every time I lifted portions of the mattress to vacuum the bed the sawdust kept appearing. Just how active are these woodeaters? I moved the mattress off the bed and unto the floor until Ma could get her hands on the insecticide.

When she got up to my room the maids had inadvertently put the mattress back on the bed. They again removed it and we saw the same sawdust. Curious, indeed. I got the vacuum out again, and guessed that those yellow sediments must be coming from the mattress itself. But how?

While vacuuming the mattress itself I found tears in the seams. Further inspection finally found the culprit: dried up mattress foam that crumbled into yellow dust in my fingers.

Long story short: Wasn't termites eating my bed, it was just my mattress disintegrating on me. Neither conclusion was pleasant.

Batangas Beeyotches

Last Friday I got a day off of sorts and went w/ Liza and her dad to Batangas to try out their jet ski and banana boat. It was a triumvirate first for me on all counts. The beach was so-so, but what was important was we had the ocean to try out Uncle David's toys for the big boys.

At first he drove the jet ski, pulling a life-preserver from behind while I was riding on it. It was similar to my water-skiing experience in CWC in Naga, in that my butt hurt and it felt like I was being given an involuntary enema.

Later on he let me drive it solo. He barely finished giving me instructions when I turbo-boosted away, all the while inhaling game fumes and spewing seawater. The jet ski proved difficult w/ trying to negotiate a decent turn, but at high speeds it was exhilarating as it skimmed the top of the water, bucking like a racehorse, only w/ definitely more than 1 horsepower. My second ride on it had Liza on the driver's seat, w/c meant cruising on comfortable, safe (read: "slow") speeds. It freaked her out a bit when I placed my hands over hers and pressed the accelerator.

While lunch was tasty helping of pork chops, chicken and fish, it was a chore having to eat w/ only one utensil. But now that I think about it, it was just as well, since one hand had to be free to repeatedly shoo away the bangaws in our midst. (You'd think they'd wait til we finish eating our meal before considering it garbage and calling dibs.)

My last beach activity consisted of all 3 of us on the banana boat. While we apparently chose the DON'T-try-to-shake-us-off option, Liza still got the short end of the stick when she sat in the front and thus had to endure the full brunt of seaspray w/o the benefit of goggles.

After we left the beach we stopped by 3 more places (a beach-resort near Taal Lake to pay for the jet ski storage; speedboat storage place, and visited an old family friend in one of those exclusive vacation-home villages, respectively) before grabbing some dinner at Kanin Club in Sta. Rosa, Laguna. In a show a gratitude for all he did for us today Liza and I opted to pay for the meal. Loved their loaded fried rice.

While the trip to Batangas via Skyway was quick (I assume, since I slept a lot), the drive back was marred by traffic at the SLEX, no thanks to 2 cars breaking down and the surge of 10-wheeler trucks. Managed to make it home by eleven.

My TV Watchlist

My TV Watchlist started last year with almost 30 shows. At least eight have finished their run. Three new shows -- The Listener and The Unusuals - - I’ve tried to watch but gave up on after a couple of episodes. Castle was new but as innovative, so I gave up on that, too, Nathan Fillon’s presence notwithstanding.

The rest of my list w/ snap judgments:

My Comedy Central Staples

• The Daily Show and The Colbert Report - My 4x-a-week fun-filtered source of current events, although the latter as surpassed the former in The Funny.

• Lewis Black's Root of All Evil - Eight mock cases per season (my favorite being the pilot episode, The Case of Oprah V. The Catholic Church).
  

My Weekly Comedy Staples

• 30 Rock, My Name is Earl & The Office - NBC's Thursday Night lineup is deserving of the Must-See-TV tagline. Ironically my least favorite of the trio, Earl, has been the most consistent for me in delivering the laughs.

• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Think South Park in terms of over-the-top storylines and humor. Nothing is sacred, and it's all the funnier for it.
  

• Reno 911! - Each episode seems to be just a bunch of non-related comic situations tied together by the barest of main plot threads. It's almost as if similarly-themed "skits" (gay hustler, bridge jumpers, petty thieves, etc.) are shot in one day, then mixed together in post production. That said, the show's still improv funny. Somebody remind me to get the first 4 seasons online.
  

My "Background" Shows

• 24, King of the Hill & The Simpsons - By background I mean I could leave these shows playing on the TV or PC while I'm doing something else. (Though in the case of 24 I sometimes have to fast-forward it.)

• Burn Notice – Getting formulaic, but otherwise not bad, not that I can remember any of his lifesaving Spy Tips
  

• Everybody Hates Chris- Still funny, though.
  

My Premium Cable Faves

• Californication - David Duchovny gets all the best lines and best babes. (I think I just described James Bond…)

• Dexter - Lastest season wasn't as strong as the last, but it was still good. I always thought of Dexter as more cheerful and meticulous version of The Punisher.
  

My 1-Hour Dramas

• Chuck – Awesome 2nd season finish. Sucks if they cancel it. Saved the 3-D episode 'til I can get ahold of a pair of 3-D specs.
  

• Damages – Favorite (and only) legal drama I watched

• Heroes - Barely saved itself from crappy season 3.
  

• Flashpoint – Only way you can tell this cool show’s produced in Canada (specifically Toronto) is the fact almost every episode you can see everyone's breath.

• The Unit – Still the best Guy Show. I call it 24 done right. Sucks if they cancel it.

• House - Gave up on it a little past mid-season. It was getting repetitive for me. Might move it to my "Background" list.
  

My New Shows

• Better Off Ted – Quirky corporation comedy.
  

• Dollhouse - What if The Pretender was an unwilling subject? Cool stuff. Sucks if they cancel it.

• Important Things w/ Demetri Martin - A comedy central show by a Yale nerd graduate. Skits, large pad drawings and fake remote controls. HI-larious, seriously.
  

• Krod Mandoon & the Sword of Fire – Fantasy genre, ala Kevin Sorbo Hercules or Xena, only intentionally funny.

• Lie to Me – What if a Gregory House-like character (only this time the actor playing him gets to keep his English accent) leads a forensic-facial team?

• The Mentalist – More entertaining that Psych, less neurotic than Monk.

• Party Down – Funny like Seinfeld, in that the laughs come from the awkward situations the characters get themselves into, and no life lessons are taught (nor sought).

• United States of Tara – Fun and Dramedy w/ Multiple Personality Disorder.
  

My Cancelled/Finished Shows

• Battlestar Galactica - Ended too soon, and the ending wasn't all the coherent. RIP, anti-Star Trek show.
  

• Flight of the ConChords - Just as well they ended before the novelty songs stopped becoming funny.

• Life – Sucks they cancelled it, but if they followed through w/ the hint that

• Life On Mars – Better than the UK version. Even had a cheerier, more sci-fi tacked sense of closure.

• Pushing Daisies – Quirkyness in saturated color. Sucks it was cancelled.

• Sit Down Shut Up – Funnier than Dilbert, but not by much. Not surprised they gave it the axe.

Where No Date Has Gone Before

Today I became a blood donor for the first time. To commemorate the event I asked the girlfriend to willingly bleed w/ me, for w/c she was game. In a prick on irony Aissa, who initiated this early morning Red Cross activity (along w/ Sis and Raymond) was classified as underweight, thus unable to give blood.

After we had breakfast in Jollibee I kept telling my needle-phobic cousin that injections were just like ant bites. After seeing (and feeling) that larger-than-usual needle pierce my arm, I quickly reevaluated that analogy from ant to aah-JEEZUS-that-hurt bite. As 450ml of blood flowed into a plasic bag I distracted myself w/ cable TV, apple juice and a peanut-butter-flavored cracker sandwich.

Strangely enough I experienced a migraine after lunch. If this was a side effect of giving blood it's not exactly an incentive for me to repeat the gesture 3 months from now. It went away after Liza and I dropped dad off and went to SM MoA, but came back after we finished watching the latest episode of Lie to Me at the Coffee Bean. Good this the pain was manageable enough so that I made it through watching Star Trek on IMAX, enjoying it thoroughly. Possilbly the best film I've seen this year, but definitely the best I've seen on IMAX so far, even w/o 3-D.