My Brother's Wedding Video

They oughtta put this under Apple Quicktime Movie Trailers:

Prison Break (As In "Taking A...")

Saw 2 vid posts this morning that are both Haha Funny and Haha Strange. It's the inmates of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (or NAMBLA-- winkwink Jon Stewart) practicing song and dance numbers of Thriller and Hail Holy Queen (from Sister Act). As I am too lazy to register to Youtube I'll just post the links for them here and here. Please watch them and be amazed, and by amazed I mean bewildered and go "WTF...?"

A few quips:

• Seeing as how the major prisons in Metro Manila are hopelessly overcrowded and writhing in filth and gangs, it's nice (and disturbing) to see how prison officials in Cebu could organize something like this. The Thriller dance number supposedly has 1500 inmates choreographed into something that reminds me of those North Korean tribute performances to Kim Jong Il. I can't even fathom getting 1500 convicts to cooperate for... anything outside of a prison break/riot, much less a dance number.
  
• I wonder if the guys playing the female parts are branded as somebody's b*tch afterwards, or were they already beforehand?
• I hope the cons who participated got more out of this other than their 15 minutes of online fame. Reduced sentence, enhanced visitation rights, an actual talent fee, etc.
• I smell a movie in this. High concept pitch: It's The Shawshank Redemption meets Chicago.
• I hope their next bit is from Riverdance.
  

A DerDerDer, A DaDaDa (UPDATED w/ Pix)

Yours truly, Diana and Tintin (Ngo) went to Cebu over the weekend to attend Eda and Derwin's wedding. We caught the 5am Cebu Pacific flight, and an hour later took a P425 airport taxi ride to the newly reopened Marco Polo hotel. Coinkydink #1 came in the form of Juvee Ting, my former tutor (and Wilson's batchmate), helping out for the groom's team.

The girls first went up to our room while I took advantage of the free breakfast buffet. The upgraded (unsolicited, but not unappreciated) room came w/ complimentary mangoes and chocolate, but w/ only a queen-sized bed, so I slept on 2 chairs then later on the floor. W/ that disadvantage I felt I was entitled to to the bath foam. (Ahh, hot water massage...)

After sleeping off most of the morning we got spruced up and rode in one of several shuttle vans that headed for Cebu Metropolitan Cathedral. Weather was bearable, so it was just wearing a barong again that was uncomfortable. Beautiful female faces were abound, particularly w/ the bridal entourage, comprising mostly of the bride's relatives. Makes me wonder if all that combined wealth contributed the Good Looking Gene.

The entire ceremony took an hour and a half, probably because every liturgical response was sung instead of spoken. And speaking of spoken, the know-it-all priest take it upon himself to (incorrectly) correct the pronunciation of the groom's name, so once he started with DArwin instead or DErwin no-one corrected him. He'd made the same mistake later in the reception.

On the ride back instead of heading straight to the hotel we took a slight detour to the Gaisano residence, courtesy of fellow passenger Edmund "Eddie" Gaisano, Eda's dad. His... odd behavior on the minibus made for some bewildered looks and nervous giggles among the others. Boy, he's really giving that eccentric millionaire persona a run for its money,I thought.

The house was huge, with enough floors to warrant its own elevator and a dense, forested back lot you could probably hold paintball war-games in (or dump a body, wink wink). With all us "youths" there having a rich old man (then later his son) showing us around I felt like we were being set up for a reality show. Some of us availed of the bottled iced tea in the fridge, and even helped Mr. Eddie choose a Hawaiian shirt to wear. (Why? Who cares? Eccentric Millionaire.) In the kitchen lay a stack of magazines w/ his face on the cover, though his picture didn't sport the goatee he currently has on. That's one way to self-promote, I guess.

It was here that I met a cute girl named Mona who, like the other pretty girls I get smitten over, started speaking to me like she knew me beforehand from somewhere (and as usual I couldn't recall neither when nor where). Coinkydink #2: she was Annette's (my former batchmate) in Beijing, and knows Weng and Manol (from her stay in Shanghai). Yey, another reason I'm glad I took this trip!

The reception at the White Gold House (w/c was neither white nor gold) was expecting 1000 guests. Eda didn't like the Oriental look of the third floor dining area so she had the walls and ceiling draped in large white sheets, and over the presidential table hung hundreds of orchid flowers. Paolo Santos provided the professional entertainment for the evening (supposedly Side A and/or Gary V. couldn't make it). They gave away special prizes in the form of IPods, PSPs cellphones, digicams, and various name-brand scents. The initial prize was given raffle-style by choosing a message at random from the guest book, much to the regret to those who didn't bother to sign it. The rest were given away by lottery and quiz-show format. For everyone else the wedding souvenir came in the form of a chocolate bar w/Dada and Derder's name on it.

Later in the evening I pissed Di off while we hitched a ride w/ our friend Stephen back to the hotel. I joked to Tata that she needed a ride to the airport tomorrow, then he later texted her to offer her/us that ride. Why this joke-turned-friendly gesture made her mad was beyond me. Even after Mendel and his girlfriend Shirly took out for pudding and iced tea later on the evening was soured between us (and TinTin since she usually takes her side).

The only highlights of the morning after was me running into Mona (and her sisters) at the breakfast buffet (though she ordered ala cart) and riding the hotel's "scenic elevator" (Enjoy 45 Seconds of Cebu Scenery!) with them afterwards. Otherwise the sourness returned: that feeling of cold shouldering between roomies that's momentarily broken by the presence of other friends showing up, either to say good-bye or give us a ride to the airport (Mendel and Shirly).

To summarize: big wedding. Bigger reception. Met a pretty girl. Ticked off my travel companions (at least one of them for sure). Whatta weekend.

POSTSCRIPT: Guess whose picture we found on Cebu Pacific's in-flight magazine?

It's Aileen! Miss you, dear.

Blog Catchup

TODAY: Had a nightmare. Big school program (always at SJCS auditorium, for some reason). My siblings and I were the organizers. Boit at sound system, Sis at music, Wilson gives a lecture and me as host. Program's about to start when my throat closes up. I tried to speak louder but could only gasp the words. This has never happened before, I thought. Basically I f@#ked it up before introducing Wilson.

Then I woke up. Six thirty AM? Screw that. I actually tried the intro out loud again before falling asleep.

Sudden invite later in the day by Rons has me watching Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix at Trinoma w/ her. Not a fan of the series but it's her treat, anyway, while mine was for dinner afterwards. Again my absentmindedness almost has me losing the parking stub, w/c I thought was pointless to begin w/ since they charge a flat fee of 30 bucks.

YESTERDAY: Got a haircut in preparation for the wedding this Saturday. Got my free Timex watch courtesy of HSBC. Bought a copy of Absolute Sandman Vol. 1 at 1400 bucks off the original selling price. Ma and I were about to leave Glorietta when someone from EPCIB called to tell me I left my credit card at the bookshop where I bought Sandman. They said they'd "locked" the card for security reasons and if I don't call them back w/in the next 48 hours they'd cancel it altogether. Of course I went back, got the card and called them back. Call-center idiots took forever to undo everything.

Lesson: It's quicker to report your credit card stolen/missing than it is to report it found/recovered.

DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY: Met up w/ hottie former math teacher Jen at UP, her former place of employment (afterwards it was at a PR firm and now a number cruncher at Citibank). It was a meeting I nervously looked forward to, as previous invites to coffee (or similar beverages since I don't drink coffee per se) were always rejected out of distrust of/for yours truly (w/c bewildered yours truly). She only agreed this time because she was "in between boyfriends."

The non-date was... interesting. I noticed a air of snappishnes and pseudo-hostility towards me. Was this her way of discouraging me from asking her out again or just a natural reaction to my presence? Neither prospect appealed to me.

So if ya can't beat 'em, wisecrack 'em. In between trading verbal barbs and zingers (she was beating me due to my "restraint") she shopped for gift baskets for her lawyers, then we had dinner at Anyi while waiting out the rainstorm. Driving from UP to Greenhills and back was a first for me, so good thing she was around. Earlier I suggested just going to Trinoma but she suggested I "get out of my comfort zone."

And to close this evening a simple goodbye besos ended instead with colliding cheekbones (I kid you not). Ouchie. Perfect.

2 DAYS BEFORE YESTERDAY: Supposed to get a haircut while mom had a facial, but my "personal" barber had the day off. Okay, 2+ hours to kill. Watched Die Hard 4.0.

*To anyone thinking that I must be unemployed to have this much free time to do all this: yer dead wrong. I have work. I just don't blog about it.

10 (Trinoma) Thoughts on Transformers

Checked out the Trinoma mall yesterday w/ Wella, first to check out the grand openings the new of Comic Odyssey and Western Appliance stores. Wella got a new shirt, cellphone and spray-paint for her nightstand, while I bought lunch, taho and freakin' expensive double-sided tape (at SM North EDSA across the street).

Later in the evening I caught a last full screening of Transformers in Greenhills w/ Boit and Dionne. Spoilers ahead:

• General consensus on Megan Fox's hotness (though her voice make her sound ditzy), Anthony Anderson, John Tuturro and Frenzy's annoying presence (the JarJar Binks school of acting) and Shia Lebeouf's excellent comic timing.
• The entire movie would've felt right at home in the late 80s or early 90s w/ it's vibe. Back then I would've rolled my eyes much less at the cringe-worthy dialog and MacGyver-like story implausibility.
  
• Why did they make Ironhide sound British?!? Though I like how Hugo Weaving made Megatron sound more like Galvatron, and of course a geekgasm for Peter Cullen as an older, raspier Optimus Prime.
  
• I know the scene w/the Autobots trying to hide in the 'burbs was played for comic effect, but I think it just looked like Sam's parents were very hard of hearing (couldn't hear a 20-foot robot destroy your garden fountain) and had no peripheral vision.
• My brother was right in saying I could've waited for the DVD, since most of the robot action was going by so fast and in a herky-jerky fashion I couldn't appreciate the detailed work they put in designing the Transformers.
• Real classy, Bumblebee, peeing on the human. I'm surprised you didn't light the guy on fire afterwards.
  
• Hey, what's a Borg cube doing underneath Hoover Dam? Oh, wait...
  
• I was under the impression the AllSpark was akin to the original Creation Matrix in the comics, at least in terms of function (i.e. gives life to Transformers). Yet in the movie it just makes inanimate machines into malevolent robots. If that's the case, why were the Autobots so intent on protecting it? (The argument could be made that only Earth objects turn evil, while real Transformers that were given life could go either way.)
• Oh, no! Bumblebee's legs were blown off! Jazz's been pulled apart by Megatron!! Humans are dying!!! Ratchet, what is it that you do again, aside from leaving a girl to do your work w/ a stolen towtruck?
  
• Hey, Prime, instead of endangering Sam by holding him in your hands while fighting someone , why didn't you shove that cube into Megatron's chest, instead?

Wet Market and Weekend Movies

Today was my first real trip w/ the 'Rents to the Sta. Mesa Market. Real in that after driving them there, instead of just staying in the car to read the Sunday papers (or listen to my Muvo) I actually joined them to enter the smelly depths of the market. Speaking of smelly, I regret bringing only 1 piece of candy to help deal w/ the stench of "fresh" fish. If sushi smelled like this it'd never caught on as a delicacy.

As a birhen de palengke I still have a lot to learn w/ it comes to checking out produce/fishstock, negotiating prices, avoiding butchers who de-scale fish like they were having a seizure, and handling money and fish at the same time w/o wiping my hands first. (Hint: plastic bags as faux gloves.) Ugh... fish mucus.

Now for bullet reviews of all the movies I've seen since the last bullet reviews:

10 Items or Less: Cute indie film starring Morgan Freeman (as Himself) and Paz Vega (as that chick from Spanglish speaking way better English). The simplicity of the story (they hang out together for a day) was made entertaining by Freeman's performance, since you're unsure if he's really playing himself or satiric version, ala The Simpsons. But he does make you want to become his best friend.

Amores Peros ("Love's A Bitch"): In the storytelling tradition of Pulp Fiction we have 3 interlocking tales of a love and its follies. The characters are complex --or damaged-- enough to have to you wondering exactly who to sympathize or who to despise. Don't watch this if you like dogs. Seriously. Even pit bulls.

Confetti: Another charmer in loose mockumentary style and an improvised script. Confetti magazine holds a contest for the Most Original Wedding of the Year. Three couples are chosen w/ 3 themes: Musical, Tennis and Naturist (or nude). If you can get past looking at uncircumcised British wangs or generally unattractive naked people, you'll love this film.

Feast: Made by the winners of season 3 of Project Greenlight, it's a tongue-in-cheek take of horror/monster flicks, like Tremors or From Dusk 'til Dawn. Even if the film doesn't take itself too seriously (the characters' names describe their role in the movie, like Beer Guy, Hero or Grandma) it's still unpredictable, w/c I liked.

Kinky Boots: Boy, those Brits are cornering the market w/ "charming" films. This is based on a true story of a generations-old shoe factory that went from exclusively making men's shoes to boots for men in drag. And if you're into music sung by guys named Lola (played by the almost unrecognizable Chiwetel Ejiofor of Serenity and Love Actually fame), you'll want to get the official soundtrack.

The Oh in Ohio: Got a bit boring in the end, despite the presence of simulated orgasms and the theme of vibrator addiction. (Wasn't this a plotline in Sex & the City?) It's also my first time time seeing Mischa (The OC) Barton act. What a skinny chick, and w/ such low tone of voice that doesn't exactly go w/ her pretty face, kinda like Demi Moore or Justin Timerlake. Oh, and seeing Parker Posey getting it on w/ Danny Devito is neither sexy nor funny.

Payback Straight Up: The Director's Cut: Gone are Mel Gibson's voiceovers, Kris Kristofferson (as well as his entire storyline) and the blue tint the covered the original flim. Gibson's character Parker is even more brutal in this version and less sympathetic; but his antagonists are even scummier, so he's still the "hero."

The Prisoner: Or How I Planned to Kill Tony Blair: documentary about an Iraqi journalist that gets mistaken for terrorist (gee, how often does that happen), is arrested, tortured, and finally released after sheepish apologies from the US Government. Surprisingly he doesn't turn to terrorism for revenge. Ugh, I'll be glad when Bush is no longer president.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse: Piece. Of. Crap. If you're after Milla Jovovich and/or scenes of her naked, stick to The 5th Element. You'll be glad you did.

The Ringer: Regular guy pretends he's mentally retarded to cheat in the Special Olympics. Once again the Farelly Brothers champion the whatever-challenged folk. Lessons to be learned by all, even the mentally retarded.

Who's Got the Tape: Korean comedy flick. I really wish Pinoy filmmakers would look upon films like these to learn the nuances of comic timing and subtle humor.

Paprika: No, it's not another film about spices starring Penelope Cruz. It's a feature length anime that's a mix of The Matrix and The Sandman comics by Neil Gaiman, w/ a haunting soundtrack that's a mix of techno and Enya. (Yeah, I'm probably doing an injustice by selling it like that, so just buy it and prove me wrong.)

"Oh, What A Relief It Is..."

Not really sure what caused it, but I can honestly say one of worst stomach ailments to have is both indigestion and constipation at the same time. I was out of commission the whole day yesterday. A combination of agony and fatigue also had me going to bed at 9PM. Woke up at 2AM but went back to sleep half an hour later.

Right now stomach only feels 1/4 the pain from before. Need more fiber.

BUSY Busy Days (UPDATED)

THURSDAY (June 7): Went with Die! to Fernand's apartment in Makati for dinner, but not before getting caught by (and "settling" out of court" with) cops who pulled me over for driving the wrong way on a One Way street. My naiveté on Makati cops being the least corruptible in the NCR (though as Die! pointed out the opposite was true) was quickly slapped upside the head w/ a 'C' note to the pigs. ANYhoo, the 3 of us had pasta, salad and cake. Since her dad couldn't pick her up I had to drive Die! back to her place, w/c was slightly daunting for me as it was past midnight and we were going though EDSA. Thank God I didn't get lost.
Finally, as you can see from the pic it was a matter of having 4 unrelated items coming together telling one weird story. 1: Napkins. 2: Stuffed animal. 3: Female figurine w/big-boobed salt & pepper shakers. 4: Hand lotion.

(I didn't say it was a nice story...)

FRIDAY: Today taught me that if you're having a good day, don't jinx it by telling someone the rest of your plan for the day, or else the universe balances it out w/ a bad evening. Good: getting new comix and meeting up w/ Wella (since she got back from New York) for a last full screening at RGalleria. Bad: Pirates 3 sucked and I inadvertently busted my digicam by bumping into the chairs at the cinema.

SATURDAY: Boit and Dionne's wedding day. Preparations were done at 5-Kim's, and while waiting it out I scarfed on the pricey Royce chocolates (later paid for in acne). After lunch (can't even remember what I had) we headed for Mary the Queen church, w/c was strangely empty. Less than half an hour before the wedding was scheduled to begin but nary a flower was put up by the aisle.

Long story short we started late. It also didn't help that none of us rehearsed beforehand. For one thing I was under the impression that the Best Man waits by the altar for everybody else to walk down the aisle, but instead I had to strut down there solo. (Should've put one hand in my pocket for the complete ramp model effect. Bad: sound system in the church. Good: BoiT taking his own pix w Dionne in front of the altar.

We killed the next few hours back at Marianas w/ more photoshoots, and I was in dire need of a nap. At the dinner reception in Gloria Maris I was surprised to see Aimee Uy (Chong), who attending her brother-in-law's wedding reception downstairs (we were on the 2nd floor). I stayed downstairs for crowd control (and was mistaken for the groom 4 times).
Food was mundane. Wilson's song number was fine. Video presentation was good. My speech/toast went off great. No lace and bouquet toss (the latter already done at the church) and luckily I was able to stave off cognac serving duties for the evening. Immediate family members of the newlyweds were one of the first to arrive and one of the last to leave. We were also given the "honor" of giving away to guests (who haven't left) unopened bottle of cognac (easy), bags of noodles (hard) and chunks of wedding cake (really hard). You'd think w/ about 85% of that cake being made of styrofoam what little edible sections left would be easy to give away. Not the case, probably because that 15% tasted like the 85%.

(Always end w/ a wedding cake joke, that's what I always say.)

SUNDAY: Pooped from last night's events. Completely missed Joanne's wedding today. (Granted, the thing's gonna happen today in Legazpi, but that's neither here nor there.) The 'Rents went out to lunch w/ uncle and aunt who came in from HK last week, while I left later in the afternoon to catch Ocean's 13 w/ Rons. Luckily I found a detour in Commonwealth that headed for Araneta Center, so we caught the 2:30 screening at Gateway Mall on time.

Afterwards we had to leave early because I still had a family dinner in Makati to attend. Asked directions from a cop and thankfully we were going back on the same route we came in. (Ah, a rare moment where my encounter w/ law enforcers while behind the wheel of a car didn't cost me a thing.) All immediate relatives met up at the People's Palace in Greenbelt. Wilson ordered 3 rounds of the 10-course Thai meal, w/c had definite hits (chicken pandan) and misses (spicy shrimp soup) for me. And how's this for another surprise from HK: Cathy Sy was in town, and thankfully she's sticking around longer than Aimee, so hopefully we could meet up at Chili's again for Sunday lunch.

I Want to Punch This Trailer in the Face

Click on the title below to see the trailer. If. YOU. DARE.

OMG! What a piece of crap!

Voices and Latte

Spent the afternoon w/ Rachelle, first doing "voice-filing" recordings at Creativoices Productions, then after hoarsing our throats out went to Greenbelt for some Moroccan mint latte at CoffeeBean &TeaLeaf. (I think this was the first time I've ever driven her around anywhere. Usually when we get together we either traveled separately or commuted in the same jeep.) As voice talents our first project together is probably our most famous work. Like Wella I dig hanging w/ Rache 'coz I never run out of stuff to chat about w/ her (mostly media stuff), but like Wella hectic work skeds prevent us from hanging out more often.

After a cheque collecting snafu I headed home. After arriving home I left a half-hour later to pick up Tintin (Ng) for dinner. We ate at Teriyaki Boy's Banawe branch then had an early nightcap at Starbucks Araneta. Probably finished browsing through the crappy magazine and newspaper selection, and yet both of us still managed to get home by 10PM. Granted it was a long day for both us so we were pooped. Either that or we had too much carbs.