Poem for the Romantically Conflicted

His fascination with certain women
Ebbs and flows like tides
Yet underneath that stone physique
A fragile heart resides

A growing frustration with his situation
As his feelings are in flux
Between liking one girl and loving another
(Boy, this feeling sucks)

Superman has Lois and Lana
Archie has Betty and 'Ron
While he knows that if he takes too long
to choose, both girls'll be gone

He's aware he has to make a move
And he'd better make it soon
Which girl will he "just be friends" with?
Which girl will he swoon?

At times like this his imagination runs
He wishes he had a clone
That way he could court them girls
And no-one would be alone

Holy. Crap.

Very few things I see online make me flinch (damn that photomosaic of G. W. Bush composed of @$$holes!), but here's the exception.

It's amazing how much "comestic surgery" photo-retouching professional Glenn Feron had to do with these celebrities. Wrinkle/tatoo removal, butt/bust enhancement/reduction, haircuts, interior redecorating (there's one picture with Destiny's Child where he practically destroys the kitchen sink), de-aging, the works. This is why if you're a celebrity at a photo-shoot a great stylist (Hey, Kym!) and make-up artist is key. That way the editor won't have to hire Glenn.

Still, there's only so much miracle work short of having Jesus as your assistant a professional photographer can do. As with stage magic and adult videos, once you see what goes on behind the scenes you'll never look at it the same way again.

I, for one, will never look at Vivica Fox (Will Smith's stripper GF in ID4) the same way again. Da-yamn...!

I Know How This Looks, But...

I'm straighter than Tom Cruise in front of the press.

"...the Darndest Things"

So Jasmine learned about the 9 planets today, reciting them over and over, mispronuncing Mercury each time and spending an unhealthy --if she were an adult-- amount of time trying to remember Uranus. On the ride home from school our conversation went from planets to Disney characters. (Pluto, get it?) She was sending Mickey Mouse to Venus, Donald Duck to Jupiter, Goofy to Pluto, Minnie Mouse to Saturn, and so on. (Oddly enough Pluto the dog wasn't mentioned.)

Then she wanted Mickey on Jupiter. I told her Mickey was already on Venus, so how was he going to join Donald? She said Mickey will die because it's so hot on Venus, but that's okay because Donald will use his magic to bring him back to life, and Mickey will be so grateful he gave Donald a surprise gift.

What, you think I can make this stuff up? I'm still surprised she knew it was hot on Venus.

And another thing: wasn't Mickey was the Sorcerer's Apprentice?

Palibhasa Lalake

Of all the guys I met in Beijing, these three (plus 2 not in the picture) are the ones I hung out with the most. Dennis, Arsenio, Lyndon (as well as Christian and David) are the closest thing I have to a barkada, and even then that terms is used loosely.

Just as friends forgive one another's faults, this group forgives/puts up with each other's ribbing. And boy, malakas kami mang-lait sa isat' isa. Nothing is sacred (though if there is we haven't crossed that line yet) and anything goes, and it's just as well. If you can't have fun (and make fun) of your friends, well...

Actually, I have nothing clever to finish that thought with. See ya.

Wuhzzufuk?

Blood test results came back. I'm low on sugar and high in LDL (bad cholesterol) and triglycerides (fat)?!? I consider myself a healthy guy, healthier than everyone in this house. I exercise regularly. I get plenty of fibre and protein in my diet. I drink milk, avoid egg yolks, put lettuce in my sandwiches, eat pasta and take vitamins.

And it's STILL not enough?!?

Wuhzzuhel?

When I "woke up" this morning and looked at the bathroom mirror I found that by sleeping on my stomach (w/ half of my face pressed down my pillow) I had somehow pushed the uppper teeth from the left side of my jaw inward. While wondering how that happened despite the presence of braces (or maybe because of it) I found that I was able to move them slowly back into their normal position without any pain. That (and my lack of panic) should've clued me in.

And then I woke up. Sheeeeesh!

* * *

Got myself an impromtu blood and urine test today. Since I'm turning 30 this year I thought now would be as good a time as any to get these kinds of tests done. And I hadn't had anything to eat yet, w/c is the ideal time to draw blood.

The blood test tube was easy enough to full (thanks, High Pain Threshold), though I doubted that I could pee enough into the tube, especially since I'd already gone earlier this morning (funny how dreaming about your teeth deforming would make you want to go pee afterwards). Luckily there was enough left over.

* * *

My sister-in-law's grandmother passed away late last night. Yep, even my extended relatives are starting to drop like flies. Nice, onminous tone this new year is setting...

FriDate

While transacting business at her workplace I casually asked her out, w/c surprisingly needed a lot more nerve on my part than expected. She sorta said yes/ok, but hadn't decided on Friday or Saturday. I asked her to call me when she made up her mind.

The afternoon hours passed slowly. Watched some PC-TV and took a run on the treadmill while awaiting her decision. Finally while driving to pick up my niece from school the anticipated text-message came in and asked "pwde nxt wk na lng?"

Okay, this was kinda expected. Past attempts to ask her out have been met with... setbacks. (Who knew why some women would need a week to get ready?) Not this time, I thought. We texted back and fourth. She was still at her workplace (a convenient 7-minute drive from my house), waiting for her mom to come home. Seems she already went out the night before and was afraid her mom would object to her going out again tonight. I was just surprised she still needed to ask permission considering we were about the same age. (Okay, fine, she's a bit older.) In the end mother says okay, so I picked her up and we headed for Fish & Co. in Makati.

The evening went okay, save for the all the noisy customers next to us which made conversation difficult. We had soup, salad and NY Fish & Chips. Ran into Jemps. Saw Hy-C and her BF also eating at F&C. After dinner we walked around the Greenbelt area, gawking at the professional "ladies of the night" trolling around for foreign clientele. Think we even saw their Madam. We finally settled on a park bench, talking about relationships past and outlooks on life.

And what better way to kill the platonic mood than to have Ma text me to check on my whereabouts. She thought I was kidding when I said Ma would do that every time I went out alone at night. Grrgh. Must. Get. Own. House.

So, to summarize: eating, talking, walking, not touching. All in all a typical Chinoy first date.

The Ten Commandments Of Health

There's this song I heard on Sesame Street long, long ago. Didn't know the title, and having heard it as a kid I could only remember the first 4 lines, and a mumbling of the fifth. It was a countdown concerning personal hygiene.

Earlier this evening my brother sent me the link to the Sesame Street Encyclopedia. While browsing thru it I finally got the info I needed to get the lyrics of the song The Ten Commandments of Health by Dr. Thad & The Medications, thus ending one of the longest bouts of Last Song Syndrome I ever suffered. Still coughing, though.

Anyhoo, the lyrics, reprinted SO without permission:

One, wash your hands before you eat
Two, brush your teeth after every meal
Three, see your doctor and your dentist
We all need checkups no matter how good we feel.
Oh how lovely life will be if we keep the
Ten commandments of health.

Four, cover your nose whenever sneezing
Five, cover your mouth when you're coughing too.
Six, dress warmly in cold weather
And you won't have much coughing or sneezing to do.
Oh how lovely life will be if we keep the
Ten commandments of health.

Health, oh sweet health,
It's worth more than fame or wealth to me.
One thing I say a lot:
"Take care of the life you got it's such a precious commodity."

Seven, exercise to keep in shape
Eight, bathe or shower when each day is through
Nine, eat lots of fruits and vegetables
Ten, give your body all the sleep that it's due.
Oh how grand we're gonna feel
'Cause we'll keep the
Ten commandments of health.
The ten commandments of health!

Outbreak

Argh. Bad enough I'm a few tablespoons away from finishing off 2 bottle of cough medicine with no relief in sight, now 2 of my nieces and my sister are coughing, too. Much as I enjoy their weekend visits, no-one's gonna get better anytime soon if the germs are allowed to circulate.