I, Clod-ius

Man, I'm a jack@$$.

While chatting w/ a friend online (American currently living a Bohemian artist lifestyle in Beijing) I realized for the first time what another friend (and sometimes my mom) meant when they said I'm insensitive to another person's feelings by making jokes in bad taste.

Now, if u knew me you'd realize that any joke or wisecrack I make regarding friends is done w/ tacit approval of said person and w/o any malice (i.e. I am under the impression that he/she's ok w/ it based on their mannerisms). I don't go through doors unless they've been opened, knowwhatimean? Old-fashioned ribbing and teasing.

In 2004 (when both my friend and I were in Beijing) she was assaulted by a mentally unstable student from our university. Long story short she suffered some head trauma (but recuperating nicely at present, thankfully) and that student (Korean w/ major connections) was never brought to justice. Some time after the attack she seemed to be alright, smiling and joking about. She must be coping, I thought.

During our last chat I made an off-hand comment after she excused her missing a line in our conversation as a result of "brain damage." (Her words.) Here's where my inner jack@$$ stepped in and said "Well, at least your excuse is believable." She gave a rejoinder ("at least your present is returnable") but called me to task for "appear(ing) to make light of a very real condition." I said I thought it was ok because she seemed to be making light of it herself.

The impact of my offense didn't hit until she started to tell me in more graphic detail the assault and its aftermath (details her mother failed to mention in her letters to me and detail I won't repeat here 'coz they're a bit horrifying) and then said, "i've never moped about anything in my life. but neither am I going to turn it into a cheap joke. it's like laughing about rape."

She was right. This woman survived a horrible aggravated assault and I'm treating it like she lost her freakin' wallet.

Needless to say I apologized repeatedly (it's not enough, I know) and promised no more brain jokes. We're okay now.

Another reason I'm telling you this story is because I don't want that to happen again. The instant you think I go too far or say something obtuse please tell me right away and don't let if fester and grow. HelloKittyPeanut is already ignoring me because of a misunderstanding (and is apparently a lot less understanding about the concept of apologies).

If that ever happens I prefer that we talk things out, no matter how uncomfortable it may be for both parties, because from experience I know that discomfort goes away, and the relief that follows outweighs the former.

Hmm, just realized that my last statement sounded like I was describing post-constipated twosies.