Wam's World

Tripping Over the Steps to Dating (or Just Getting a Date)

Forget first date jitters. That's nothing compared to pre-date nervousness. Building the nerve to ask someone out is the worst, but the feeling of relief when she accepts (or humiliation when she declines) is emotionally proportional to it.

It depresses my when I think about the last time I asked someone out on a date, where the girl is not “just a friend,” and you had hopes of seeing her more on a social basis. Way too long.

Lately I've been leaning on the philosophy of "Regret is worse then embarrassment or humiliation." “Better to have tried to as ask her that not to speak at all.” Tell her about it, as Billy Joel once sang. Seize the day and talk to the girl, or you’ll end up a 26-year-old virgin with no social life whose “soulmate” is out prancing in Paris. Wanna ask her out? Then ask. Her. Out. If you’re going to dilly-dally about, don’t take too long. Just don’t not do anything, because that feeling of uncertainty and “What if” will haunt you the rest of your life. A bad memory that bugs you more than the itchiest itch, that nastiest sore, the most persistent stomach cramp.

If a girl declines my invitation for a date, that’s fine, especially if she already has other plans. Decline away. Just don’t thank me for the invitation afterwards. Personal pet peeve of mine. Wanna thank me? Then accept the invitation. It’s a date, not a diamond ring. That your can decline but thank me for, anyway.

Sometimes declining the invite (if she didn’t other plans) is sign of hesitation on her part. Another is her asking if her brother/ sister could come. (A pseudo chaperone? What is this, 1955?) Then there’s when she says she’s busy for the whole week. Personally I think that’s overkill but at least you get the message (i.e. not interested). Finally is when she doesn’t respond at all even though you know she heard the question. Not too rude, I don’t think.