OMG, I Have CP (CatchPhrases)

I think that if I were ever a long-term participant in reality shows like Big Brother or The Amazing Race I'd be easy to parody. This is due to my tendency to use catchphrases, and unoriginal ones, at that.

After some self-examination (mentally, not physically, mind you) I found that I've been using the following a lot lately:

• "Those people are idiots."
• "Ah, no, you don't/you're not ."
• "That may have been a mistake."
• "Omigod, please stop talking!"
• "Apparently."
• "Seriously."
• "Well, this can't be good."
• "Well, that went well."
• "Well, DUH on a stick."

I'm like Reagan in that I say "Well" more often than Dumb Blondes say "like," in every other sentence. Hopefully that'll change in time.

Closure Stings

ME: good morning ****

HER*: hi

ME: i hear congratulations are in order? ;)

HER: huh?

HER: for what?

ME: u got yourself a boyfriend over the weekend?

HER: yes.

HER: ha

ME: Lucky guy

HER: :)

*NOT the ex

Mayonnaise

MAY 30-- Ana G. and her cousin at the Roofdeck Party III (The Return), where I learned my networking "skills" need work.


MAY 31-- Cel and Mela after my an Mel's first ever kettlebell workout. Goofy grins courtesy of endorphins?

JUNE 8-- With Die! and Mela at Coffee Bean Greenhills. It's Die's! last day in Manila (after a week's vacation here) before the flies back to South Korea.

Browned/Bronzed Bicol Biyahe Blog (Bart 3)

SATURDAY, May 22: Lyndon, Mimi and I had our first and only St. Ellis breakfast before the group drove out to Naga, but not before stopping by the Cagsawa ruins by Mayon Volcano for some trick photography shots. I would have enjoyed myself more had I not needed to pee real badly that time, but the only restroom had a locked gate. (Hell with it, piss can pass between iron bars.) One guy assisted us, apparently having done this routine over and over for all kinds of tourists, so he knows all the right low-angle and forced perspective shots to take. (Hmm, still owe Mimi my share of the tip.)

When we arrived in Naga we spent the whole day at the Camsur Watersports Complex, and boy what a HOT day it was. Our whole afternoon comprised of WiFi web-browsing, IPodding, fruit-molesting, fake lesbian kissing, photo-pimping and chillaxing w/ laing or plain-cheese pizza, either by the pool or by the shaded area facing the artificial lake, w/ some us waiting for our name to be called informing us that it's our turn at the wakeboard area. Unfortunately we arrived on the first day of a week-long Kaogma festival and preparations for the 5h Philippine Wakeboard Nationals, so our chances of skimming the waters were slim-to-none. Luckily I managed to sneak a dip into the pool. Since its use limited to paid green wristband wearers and wakeboarders), when the anal "lifeguard" asked me where my wristband was, I said I was just waiting for my name to be called for the wakeboarding. (Snuck out of the pool area afterwards.)

Fernand fell on his butt trying out the skateboard rails. Mae managed to get herself tipsy after 4 beers. I called 3-Ku to tell him we were in town. He initially invited us to dinner, but when I told him there were 9 of us he had to rescind the offer. :P

Later that evening we checked in at NagaLand Hotel, but after freshening up we had dinner at Avenue Plaza Hotel, as per Xeng's recommendation. After dinner Mimi "treated" us to her song stylings, belting out a couple of ballads accompanied by piano and violin. Afterwards we all tucked in early (after some minor roughhousing on our 2nd-floor hotel corridor). "Anyway, cheers!"

Browned/Bronzed Bicol Biyahe Blog (Bart 2)

FRIDAY, MAY 21: We woke up and began w/ a not-so-great-breakfast before we headed off to our island-hopping tour in Matnog. First stop was Tikling Island, where not much was happening. We saw a treehouse, but didn't climb up.

A little swimming and it was off to the marine sanctuary, w/c seemed more like a euphemism for "fish pens." The fishermen/caretakers gave us a fish-feeding demonstration, w/c was fascinating because it looked as if the fish were able to predict where the food would land, and they'd rush to that exact spot before the bait even hit the water and fed in a frenzy.

We jumped in from one enclosed area to another, looking at fishes and a sea cucumber (and on an unrelated matter I found a toy submachine gun in the water), but the highlight was seeing a sea turtle. It reminded me of that tortoise in South Africa, only was wetter, more likely to snap my nose off if I got too close, and it swam away faster than expected when we let it go after some exploitative picture-taking. At another fish pen I saw live and swimming bangus and lapu-lapu, which was new for me since I usually see them frozen, cooked or de-boned. Nothing different when I saw the lobsters, though: caged and in the water.

We later hopped 0ff to Subic Beach (not related to the more popular Subic Bay) for lunch, and swam some more while our guides grilled the pork-chops (everything else-- shrimp, chop suey, sweet & sour fish, beverages-- was ready). Speaking of w/c, the shrimp was a little dry but the pork-chops were awesome. After lunch the others talked about life and love, while Cel and I talked about her workout routine, w/c at present was composed of krav maga and kettle-bell exercises.

Our final stop was Calintaan Island, but we really just went around it instead of coming to shore because we wanted to check out the caves. The ocean floor was filled w/ corals, anemones and fields of sea grapes, a few of w/c were picked and fed to us by our dive-guide Sadam. There was near-scare encounter w/ a sea snake, but it turned to be near-dead, so naturally some of played w/ the carcass for picture purposes.

(This would never happen w/ roadkill.) During one last group shot in the caves Wena shoved me and my left 4th toe ended up being pierced by 5 sea urchin nettles. Hurt like hell, but I wasn't able to pull out the splinters so I immediately swam back to the boat. Even onboard I couldn't get them out, so I had to endure this minor agony on the boat ride back to Bantigui Beach Resort. No luck w/ tweezers, as the nettles were so brittle some of them practically crumbled in my toe by the time I got to them. Hmm, doesn't feel poisonous....

One shower and failed nettle extraction later, we late-checked out and drove back to Legazpi to meet up w/ Fernds and Xeng for dinner at Small Talk Cafe, where I had my first taste of Bicol Express pasta and Laing. Fernd's driver had called it a night (seeing as he was w/ since Matnog it's understandable), so chauffeur duties fell unto me and I drove us in the Imperial Hi-Ace (that handled like an L300) to St. Ellis for our last night in Legazpi. Again sleep was delayed for me owing to an overseas argument between my roommate and beau via celphone, and I desperately looked for my earphones to no avail. Fortunately calmer heads prevailed and the phone-call ended peacefully.

Boy, this mattress is really comfy...

Browned/Bronzed Bicol Biyahe Blog (Bart 1)

Even if my parents grew up in Bicol (specifically my mom in Pasacao), and I understand Bicolano when it's spoken around the house, and I've been to Naga City so many times it's a second home to me, I've never really gone around the region, much less Naga's sister city Legazpi.

Good thing Melanie and Fernand decided to get some of the Beijinoy Boracay Buds back together for a 4-5 day trip around Legazpi, Sorsogon and Naga. So there's Me, Lyndon, Mimi, Mela, Mae, Fernand, w/ new additions Wena Lim, Celirma Tan and Xeng Zulueta. Since I joined the game late I booked separate flights, flying into Legazpi via ZestAir and out from Naga via AirPhilExpress.

WEDNESDAY, May 19: Joanne picked me up at the airport, and afterwards we joined the rest of the group at Axel Saw's family restaurant for lunch. Xeng caught up w/ us for halo-halo, while Lyndon and Mimi were flying in tomorrow morning. We rested up a bit (the other girls checking in at St. Ellis hotel, Xeng and I at Fernd's bedroom at his office in PFL Homes, Inc.) before driving out to Padang Beach to Fernand's old beach-house in Porta Azure.

While a typhoon stripped the house and subsequent salvaging made it uninhabitable, the pool was still in working order. Fernand knew the locals and they got us some horses for trot along the black-sanded seashore. The last time I rode a horse was back in 2004 in Inner Mongolia, so I was hesitant to take the reins solo, much to the disdain of my guide who had to at either pull the horse are try to jog alongside it. Joanne joined us again, this time w/ her husband Henry and son AJ. Afterwards we had dinner at Cena Una, where I cheaply treated myself to some spaghetti bolognese, while Axel had the priciest steak.

THURSDAY, May 20: As Fernand's driver picked up Lyndon and Mimi, we got up early (ok, 9-ish) to begin our drive out to Sorsogon, specifically Donsol, for a chance to swim w/ whale sharks. After signing in and renting our snorkeling gear, we were joined by Julian, a Frenchman (by way of Switzerland) who decided to use his 3-week vacation to backpack around the country, starting w/ Legazpi. We split into 2 groups, taking separate boats, w/ Fernd's boat holding the beverages

We did a total of 6 dives, sighting whale-sharks in 5 of them. It's almost the same routine w/ every dive: We sit on the moving boat while our guides checks for huge moving shadows underwater. Once one's spotted we rush to the edge of the boat and jump in like Navy SEALS, sans poise or training. On my second dive, once the bubble mist cleared from my goggles I found myself facing the butanding as it drifted underneath me. I would've screeched in surprise had my snorkel not been giving me trouble. I was preoccupied spitting out saltwater through the spout than actually breathing through my mouth. Despite constant reminders for us not to touch the creatures, at one point I was about to collide into one. What the hell; one brush of the dorsal fin won't hurt (felt like a wet leather wallet). Notch that off my non-existent bucket list.

Back on land we had lunch, rested up again, then headed off for some ATV riding along one of Mayon Volcano's many lava trails. While in Boracay we had a cheaper bike rental fee, optional dune buggy, helmet and goggles, this time it was the Anti-Boracay. The ATVs were bigger to carry an optional passenger, no dune buggies, and our lungs and eyes were left to the mercy of the huge dust-clouds revved up by the ATVs. I think we all developed premature emphysema.

We stopped at the foot of a small rocky hill, having to climb the rest of the way up. To our surprise there was a helipad on top. And a picnic table. (Talk about being inadequately prepared. I didn't bring snacks or a chopper.) Exploring the sharp-edged rocky area proved risky as some of the rocks weren't firmly planted on the ground, and a misstep could prove very painful. Still, photo-ops are photo-ops. Rather than climb our way back down, all but two from the group rode a zipline, something that must have tasked the "H&H boys," because they only had 2 zipline hooks and harnesses, and every time the boys have to run back-and-forth, returning hooks and harnesses up to those still waiting their turn on the zipline. We ATV'd back via a shortcut, w/c was just as well, as the original path had too many dips and bodies of water to run over. I'm already covered in several layers of dust; I don't need to get muddy feet, either.

But the road trip ain't over yet, because after we bid farewell to Julian and had our Japanese dinner, we still had a 2-hour drive to Matnog. After 2 pit-stops (Mae by the road, the rest of us at one of Fernand's real-estate properties), we made a late-night check-in at Bantigui Beach Resort, where we were met by Tita Raquel, a shower w/ next-to-no water pressure and a starry night accentuated w/ a couple of fireflies, w/c cheered Mimi up to no end. (Hell, she was excited enough about the starry night.) Due to a brewing domestic problem on Lyndon's end (and my e-mailing of Yan of some of my pix), I wasn't able to sleep til past 3 AM.

Mustard

MONDAY: W/ Irene after a "free screening" (courtesy of her Citibank Card receipts) of Robin Hood at Greenbelt 3.

TUESDAY: Watching Liz and Nats do some design work at Liz's house (w/in the UP campus), while Liz "treats" her (suspected) mono w/ coffee and cigarettes. I brought McDo double cheeseburger meals for everyone. Also met Liz's daughter, mom and younger sister.

Ketchup*

*To The Contessa: Blog title refers to the punchline to the joke Uma Thurman's character makes in Pulp Fiction, and not to your recent infatuation w/certain mixed martial arts condiments. Wink-nudge.

The quality of this blog's writing often suffers when doing catch-up summaries. That said, I'll try my best not to bore you. Now for long-form captions to the images above:

1) This was taken in Mimie's nail salon and foot spa (called Mi and Me) in Malate, in celebration of her (and the ladyfriend/model who's subtly leaning on her left boob) birthday. Aside from that Mimie's family also runs Bedrock Bar and Grill Restaurant. The after-party was held at Encore, a pretentious poser hangout if there ever was one. Apologies to my friend Timothy, but having bouncers separate VIPs from their guests w/ their own queues roughly 10 feet away from and literally around the corner will not win you good PR. Exclusivity, shmexclusivity. How I wish FishLady was at the door of Encore and not their foodie sister spot Suite, it would've made things more serendipitous and cooler.

2) That's Rory V. Pasucal, freelance writer/editor, posing w/ Lola, who apparently was an avid follower of Rory's Highlander fanfiction work. Rory was in line behind me at this year's Free Comic Book Day held on May 1st, where I managed to be the 5th geek in line at Comic Odyssey at Robinson's Galleria before the store officially opened. When the clock struck 10 geeks 8-to-onward made mad dash to the shop. After swiping 1 free comic more than the "3 books only" rule, we stuck around for the artist's signing several hours away. Rory got her Dark Wolverine hardcover signed by cover artist and inker Leinil Yu and Gerry Alanguilan, respectively, while I got Leinil to autograph my New Avengers Vol. 3 hardcover and Ultimate Hulk VS. Wolverine for Lola. I also met Rory's friend Wilson Tortosa, who drew the Battle of the Planets (aka 70's anime G Force) mini-series and turned out to be Lyndon's old classmate in Philippine Cultural High School.

3)Later that evening of FBCD I, Dennis, Lyndon and his freudin Cindy caught a free screening of Iron Man 2, sponsored by Cemex. Aside from free popcorn and drinks we were treated to a demo of Winema, an interactive game that involves a motion-detecting camera and the audience waving their hands in the air in unison to move the characters on the screen. After the spectacle of audience arm-waving that reminded me of those North Korean parade tributes to Kim Jong Il, I thought Winema needed a name change, preferably something that doesn't sound like it's related to colon cleansing.

Belated Beijinoy Boracay Birthday Break

Would've updated earlier but time was spent organizing and emailing the hundreds of pictures taken. It's been said that what happens in Boracay, ends up on Facebook/Youtube, but I shall exercise the better part of discretion... and just tell people what happened if they asked me nicely. My god, some of the stuff that happened w/ and to us is probably still illegal in most Islamic Fundamentalist countries. Hurrah for heathen beaches.

Woof, it's been one week and two days since a baker's dozen of us multinational tourists went to Boracay for 4 days and 3 nights of sun, sand, surf and an excuse to celebrate The Contessa's birthday in semi-style. Made the travel arrangements courtesy of Dee and Pan Pacific, and made new friends by way of David's entourage: His girlfriend Xeniya Mikhailovskaya from Kazakhstan, Charles Bird from Canada (teaches English in Shanghai), native Shanghainese Maggie Duan and Yan Pan, co-worker Mark Erickson Sy, as well as Dennis Choi's and The Contessa's friends Sharon Valerie Lim and Mae Tan, respectively. Yan met up w/ her other Chinese friends Monica and Jen.

For the bulk of the trip I was the money-handler (as a lot of them chose to pay for the trip on the day of our departure from Manila, leaving me w/ a plastic envelope full of several tens of Gs in cash), the Information Center (not one morning would pass w/o the phone ringing or the door being knocked on and someone asking me where everyone else is or what we were doing for that day), tour arranger and Yeller (Yo, let's GO!), but I still enjoyed myself. Very little came in the way of vacation FUBARs to ruin my experience, be it a discharged electric toothbrush, broken goggles and tripod, misplaced sunblock, or even alcohol-induced skin rashes.

At the beach Xeniya and Lyndon got the idea to go jogging from Ariel's House to the end of Station 1 and back. (So much for a relaxing vacation. Then again, I did have all that Mang Inasal chicken to burn off.) And while she was fortunate enough to receive a brief piggyback ride from David, I had make do w/ the fact that after this run Lyndon will later spot gym equipment in front of the bar at Ariel's and compel me to go work out w/ my old gym partner again in the quest to Look Good Naked.

Later Fernds introduced me to Marc Nelson after I spotted the latter talking to the former, w/ Mimie beside me when I did. She was just one of the few girls in the group that went gaga upon spotting him, w/c wasn't hard. (The guy was cut, and his tan a strange shade of red mud.) Apparently it also made Mimie's day because she now completed her annual Marc Neslon beach stalking sighting and photo-op, along w/ Derek Ramsey earlier today.

The Contessa's Bday Dinner had us checking out D'Talipapa wet market to buy our dinner fresh, mostly seafood like clams, oysters, crabs, fish and lobster. After singing Happy Birthday in several languages, the party was night-capped at L'Soleil Bar, where I had to leave a half-hour after midnight. Needs my sleep, and needs to count the cash.

Next morning we prepared for a full day's worth of activities, as recommended by Fernds and sports celebrity turned human brick Marc Nelson: Cliff jumping at Ariel's Point. There was also snorkeling, a lunch buffet and relatively endless drinks, but the of highlight was the opportunity to jump from heights of 3, 5, 7 and 10+ meters into the ocean blue. Granted the video above makes it look short-lived and not a big deal, but hells-to-the-no, working up the nerve to just get going and jump would challenge the resolve of even your dedicated suicide jumper. The feeling was similar to that first dip off a roller coaster, where you think u left your stomach, brain and other vital organs before the quick drop down. If you land correctly (feet first) it's awesome. Incorrectly (feet first but your body's bent so your butt takes most of the impact) and the back of your things will look like you went through an illegal frat hazing ritual. I jumped off the highest point (as per my promise to Fernds) and he got me a T-shirt saying I did so for my troubles. After all that we engaged the service of Dennis semi-pro photography skills for a bikini shoot by the 2nd-to-the-highest diving board, w/ Dennis muttering, "I love my job."

When we got back we barely rested before the weightlifting and jogging started again. I was sore for the latter and ended up jogging w/ Islander slippers on. (Must've done it wrong, 'coz my left heel still hurts.) For dinner most of us (the ones who weren't still full from the buffet lunch and/or Happy Hour) went to True Food Indian. Then we went to Cocomanga bar, where Mark's contact Albert got us a great pillowed spot, where apparently Yan was well on her way to finish Cocomanga's infamous Still Standing 15 Shots challenge. She got to sign her name on the ledger (for future plaque production, I think) and a T-Shirt. And she got really really drunk. But at least she (and Xeniya who followed later on-- also finished 15 shots and a shirt) was a fun drunk. And I said the pillowed area was great because it cushioned Yan's body when she tripped and fell over, almost passing out w/ a smile (and her hair) in her face. More dancing, body shots and makeout sessions followed, but I've leaving it there. :p

The next day was for separate group activities. Dennis and Sha-Val got their hair braided. I opted out of the fly-fishing (the rubber raft ride, not the boring fishing activity), banana boat (wimpier version of fly-fishing), and para-sailing (expensive and probably overrated), while saying yes to helmet diving (glass kept fogging up, though), jet-skiing (the need of speed, if not the sore forearms and biceps that followed) and ATV driving (handles great but a real smoke-belcher).

As a last hurrah Mark opened the bottle of JW he brought with him, basically starting the post-dinner activities w/ the nightcap before the eventual club-hopping. Yan's friends Monica and Jen were able to join us for one last swig before their early morning flight back to Shanghai tomorrow. And lo and behold Maggie was starting to loosen up more than ever, w/c was a sharp contrast to her in-bed-by-midnight attitude the night before. Great dancer, too. After Hey Jude we found ourselves back at L'Soleil, where Boracay mainstay Melanie managed to get us all free fruity-flavored shots. Mmm, way better than tequila. This was followed by a late-night beach walk w/ Yan and Maggie back to their new hotel (they booked one day less than us at Tides) at the Golden Phoenix, located waaay over the butt-end of Station 3. When I got back to my room it was past 3:30AM.

On our last day, some of us went for some last-minute para-sailing, while Lyndon and I opted for a couple of laps at the Tides' pool (after availing of our single free buffet breakfast). While our day at the beach had to end, no-one said the fun had too, as well. After touching ground in Manila we all met up again later that evening at Dencio's in Rockwell, w/ my netbook presenting a impromptu slide show of most, if not all, of our shenanigans. Suffice to say that was the first and last public screening of those pix. We were still in vacation mode, though, this time planning a trip to Shanghai so that our new friends can return the favor for the fun and hospitality we showed them. I'd be more game for it if I can afford it. But I have reasons to go, so...

As a disturbing (for straight guy roomies Lyndon and I) end-image, I present what was on our bathroom wall at Tides. Man, first their sodomy-setting bidet hose, now this:

Catching Up w/ Friends (Updated)

April 12

Jordan, The Contessa, Diana, Lola

April 16

Anna, Emz, "Dimples"

April 17

Two of my Favorite People

April 21

Dave, 'Sen, Rons