Saturday Nights Lived

For the past 2 Saturdays I met up w/ 2 people who share a lot in common, albeit coincidentally. Both I met in school, but not as classmates. Both introduced themselves to me before I did to them. Both are intellectuals, but thankfully not the boring kind. Both now live abroad and are married. Both I consider a couple of my oldest and dearest friends these past 2 decades, and then some.

Carol came in from Spain accompanied by her new husband, Lorenzo. Jenny and Maple organized a party for them at the (now closed) Chateau 1771, w/c was literally next door to the restaurant we surprise-partied Carol with the last time she was in town. I arrived early to help decorate (read: climb ladder and hang stuff). The party was more low-key (having guests cancel on you will do that) than last time, but the games more imaginative, as incriminating photos of me in a makeshift wedding dress will attest. Commerial lambanog was passed around (grape flavor was awful, pizza and pasta was had, and Lorenzo even showed me pix of their civil wedding (well, the reception, at least).

Harriet arrived from Toronto w/ her kids in tow (Husband arrives next month.) As she had a lot of people and places to meet-and-greet, setting up a coffee/lunch/dinner/whatever date was a challenge. Hmm, I just realized that in all the time we've known each other this would be the first time I'd be seeing her outside of Saint Jude.

I picked her up at her friend's place, and what was supposed to be coffee at Starbucks turned into hanging out at my house. She met Ma, talking about their Bicol roots (we all have cousins there), and while looking through my photo albums and scrapbook she had me photocopy her Judenites clippings (forgot I had those). Later when I drove her home to Oroquieta she reciprocated w/ dinner and a can of Tim Horton's hot chocolate mix. Also I finally got meet her daughter Renee, one of the smallest 2-year-olds I've ever seen. Well, either she's small or my nephews and nieces were just fatties when they were her age. (Kidding!)

"can u buy meglobe cardsnow?" UPDATED

Surreal internet chat moment coupla days ago.

Indonesian friend I met during my stay in Beijing YM-ed me out of the blue, seemingly just to say "wassu" (sic). Couple of lines of small talk, then she asked for a favor: buy some prepaid cellphone cards for her, for w/c she'll repay me through my bank account.

Her: formy(sic) tita's roaming number

Sounds simple enough, I thought, 'til I found out how many she needed.

Her: 10pcs globe 300. then ill pay it 100 dollars.

Spidey-sense tingling.

Me: As in US dollars?
Her: Yup.
Her:Why.
Me: Seems a lot.
Her: Thats ok.

Ok for her, sure. Me? Flabbergasted. Sure, there was the 7-11 around the corner I could go to, or perhaps ask a former assistant (who now works for my brother) to bring a couple of cards w/ her later when she comes here.

Still, out of nowhere here's my Indo friend asking me to spend almost 3K for her. As a favor. I knew she was well-to-do enough to freely toss money around. I also knew she was closer to other "Beijinoys" like Dennis, so why not ask him first?

Yes, I was apprehensive, but at the same time thinking of the possibility of making almost 1500 pesos in profit (working w/ current exchange rate of P42-$1) from this transaction. Suspicious, but not too suspicious, heheheh...

Around this time another Beijinoy YM-ed me, telling me our mutual Indo friend YM-ed him and another friend, asking the same favor. This rang a few bells.

This could be her, as her email address and YM ID matched, and she knew the other Beijinoys. This could an impostor, because she contacted Beijinoys that, to my knowledge, she also wasn't that close to. It was almost as if she just looked at our Beijinoy message board and checked to see who else was online. I didn't know her that well, so I didn't know what polite questions to ask to verify her identity. (Kudos to the hacker for this modus operandi, it that was his/her intention.) Not to say I didn't try:

Me: where r u staying now?
Her: on my tita's hoiuse (sic)
Me: i didn't know u had relatives in china
Me: r u studying again?
Her: nope
Her: why
Her: sorry but i have o go

In terms of hard evidence pointing to this being an impostor, I nothing other than a gut feeling. Lessee: She YM-ed the 3 of us while we were all online. (Duh, how else would she find us?) Numerous misspellings during our chat? (Evrybdy does tht.) She said she was in Beijing staying w/ her "tita," but I thought she was in back in Indonesia and had no relatives in China. (She could've gone back and stayed w/ a "tita" who wasn't related to her per se.) Why would she use the Tagalog term "Tita?" Did the hacker think he/she was impersonating a Filipino? (Could have the same meaning in Indonesia, as with other words like lima, pinto and kambing.)

Finally I said I'd get her the cards, but so far I only asked the former assistant to buy one, w/c I planned to email her the PIN number. Then I talked to Dennis, the one I knew our Indo friend was definitely close friends with. He said he hasn't spoken to her for a while. I sent him a copy of our chat, but he couldn't tell if it was her or not, either. But to err in the side of caution he told me not to buy the prepaid cards, at least not until he's spoken to her himself.

Today I left a message on Indo friend's Friendster page, one that, is it was her I was chatting with all along, wouldn't net me a confused reply. Interestingly, her profile listed her location in Indonesia.

Yeah, yeah, Friendster info isn't exactly under oath material, but you take what ya can.

UPDATE: It was an impostor. Damn! Now I'm out 295 pesos.

Happy Birthday, Ma

You've given me life, happiness and hope.
I, in turn, make sure you do as much Tae Bo as possible.
Good exchange all around.

11 Senior Citizens and 2 Adults (My China Vacation), Part 3 of 3

Friday, Oct. 12
Arrived in ChengDu last night. Our new guide, Xiao Chou, took us to a temple, a silk merchandise building, a public park inhabited by old people sipping tea or playing cards and mahjong, downtown, then finally to see some opera. Dinner was at Golden Dragon, the restaurant we ate in when we first arrived.

Sorry, vacation burnout. Now for more details:

WuHou Temple didn't really have much to distinguish it from any other temple I've visited. Big-@$ statue here, a open garden there... it was all mundane at this point. It didn't help that Xiao Chou seemed disinterested about taking us around, mostly just walking along, occasionally giving encyclopedic information and factoids. I was more peeved he brought us to the silk factory, which had a mini-museum dedicated to the material, for crying out loud. Nonetheless the seniors bought them by the pound. And despite being marketed as light and feathery, silk is tough, and heavy.

We hung around downtown Chengdu (hey, they have Isetan, Bread Talk and Dairy Queen) for a bit before catching some SiChuan opera at the Shu Feng Ya Yun Teahouse. It wasn't as loud and flashy as the JZG show, but damn if they didn't have creative acts, like Long Stick Doll Guy, The Limber Henpecked Husband skit and Extra-creative Shadow Puppet Dude. The main act/ finale was the Face-Changing, or Bian Lian. And, as if coming full circle, turns out those masks are made of silk.

Saturday, Oct. 13
Really early breakfast before we caught our morning flight to Xiamen. Funny how Xiao Chou asked us to be up this early, then ends up a no-show up. As insomniac replacement took his place.

On the plane they assigned Jen and I the seats next to the emergency exit, after kicking aside the senior citizens who previously occupied them. God forbid if something goes wrong we don't one someone w/ arthritis having trouble with the lever.

* * *

Am now at 夏门, with temperatures resembling Manila weather. And the minute our original guide Dennis (who booked our first flight to ChengDu) got off the bus the New Guy thinks of his commission and brings us to a knife factory. Nooo, sales demo! You sure you want to bring annoyed tourists to a place full of sharp, stabby objects?

We dropped off our stuff at the hotel, then strolled along 中山路, w/c was 夏门's version of WangFuJing. Spotted their local Bench Body Store (no Pinoy staff) and food stands that still sold bubble tea. The seniors had some candied fruit.

At the Hun Qiao Hotel, for once (i.e. only for tonight) I had a room to myself. Took advantage of it by getting some exercise unfettered. The TV channels are experiencing signal delays, w/ the sound coming before the picture. Not that it mattered, since Hun Qiao is apparently not a CNN partner hotel. All I have is CCTV-9 and Channel V, the latter having done away w/ VJs altogether.

Sunday, Oct. 14
Ma wasn't feeling well (bad oysters from last night, probably), so she stayed in the hotel room all morning to rest, puke and poop. The rest of us went to South PuTuo Temple, w/c was like a mall for temples, at we hopped from one altar to another.

After that we went to the local baywalk, w/c reminded me of all those images I've seen of Coney Island: coarse beach sand to your left, local amusement park to your right. This was followed by a car tour of what looked like their version of Roxas Blvd. and Pasay Road, only cleaner and w/ wider roads. We were supposed to have lunch a hotel restaurant, but it was full, so we settled for the ChuangYi Seafood Restaurant. (Didn't memorize it. Just got the name from the business card.)

We got back early to find Ma sleeping. I walked around 中山路 some more (w/c was my only hangout here) before meeting up w/ everybody again so we could catch the ferry ride to the other side of the coastline. Turns out the ride was free and you only pay for the return trip, plus an extra buck if you take a seat, w/c is a small price to pay to separate the cheapskates from the tired. When we docked I finally found out whey they put tires on the sides of the boat and the ports (buffer bumpers).

Nothing much on the island to rave about. Shops, shops, McDonald's, swimsuit designs from the early 80s, shops. When we got back we finally had that fancy restaurant dinner. Later on I apparently walked back to the hotel too fast and lost everybody, so I killed time in the lobby, listening to Tony Bennet duets on my MP3 player while watching a wedding reception on its last throes.

Speaking of last throes, I seem to be suffering from a cold. Rrgh, stupid locals and their open-mouthed coughing. Ah, well... 'least it isn't SARS.

Wrapped up the evening w/ a propaganda film featuring the Chairman Mao himself about his victory over Chiang Kai Shek and his forces. They mixed archival footage w/ grandiose reenactments, so this must be what inspired Oliver Stone when he made JFK.

Odd. I think I just saw Rachel Weisz playing a mermaid in a Lux Shampoo commercial. Guess Japan isn't only country catering to Hollywood celebs out to make easy money.

Monday, Oct. 15
Really winding down on this vacation. Breakfast. Walk around 中山路. Saw those same old ladies from yesterday. Lunch. Walk around again. (Great, now I'm Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.) Bought DVDs (entire run of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, High School Musical 2 for Mia, and Jules Verne's War of the Worlds: The Opera). Airport. Fly. Home again, jigeddy jig.

11 Senior Citizens and 2 Adults (My China Vacation), INTERMISSION

Wide-screen shots of my China trip HERE. Some preview pics below:

11 Senior Citizens and 2 Adults (My China Vacation), Part 2 of 3

Wednesday, Oct. 10, 2007

After breakfast I went around and shot some more photos before all of us rode the bus for JiuZhaiGou National Park. The tour wasn’t as exhausting as I expected, probably because we just hopped back and forth shuttle buses to get around and see the park's various lakes, rivers and waterfalls.

The difficulty in capturing the park's majestic scenery was apparent w/ me taking lots of partial shots so that I could stitch them together on Photoshop for one panoramic image (sample below).

Despite the fact that China’s official week-long holiday was over last week, tourists were still aplenty. With all the shoving that had to be done in order to get on the shuttle buses it was like rush hour in Beijing. While I think there’s a certain charm to seeing Chonkers bring their friends and family to see their country’s tourist spots, at the same time I wish they’d disappear for a bit (or at least move a little to the left) so I could get that postcard-perfect shot of Panda Lake. Hell, some would be newlyweds/semi-pro wedding models came here for their wedding photos. Some in our group opted to have their picture taken by a professional. Pricey.

And then there’s the problem of traveling w/ 11 senior citizens, as there’s the possibility that one or two would tire easily. While Xiao Mao said we were well behaved (and liked to go to the bathroom a lot), Uncle Peter (not my real uncle) was pooped from all the walking, so we didn’t get to see what Xiao Mao called “best” lake in the tour (probably either Long Lake or Jade-Colored), since it was an hour’s hike away. Oh, well, it was getting repetitive, anyway.

* * *

After we got back to our Plexi-domed resort for dinner, we again headed back out to visit the artificial Qiang village (built next to the Holiday Inn) for a cultural song and dance show called Dreamland Journey. I can best describe the 80-minute program as a mix of a Las Vegas show and MegaoperaTM, or Broadway’s Lion King meets Moulin Rouge.

And despite strict instructions on the teleprompter to the contrary, the audience still took pictures, shot video and tossed the pre-cut pads of confetti unto the stage. Still, that same teleprompter proved useful in providing an English translation of the story and songs. For the grand finale, the performers invited us to participate in the bonfire dance outside, then the stage wall opened like airline hangar doors leading to the back lot where the buses were parked! We literally exited through the stage.

* * *

For my nightcap I decided to try out the resort’s spa, which was raining from the inside due to all the heat produced by their artificial hot springs. It was ah-may-zing as I used their 43º Celsius hot pool/ “spring” and steam room. The former was great, the latter not-so-pleasant. It was like my whole body was trying to inhale the steam while burning my nostrils (or cooking my lungs, whichever visual’s more disturbing) at the same time. How Finnish people find this relaxing is beyond me.

Thursday, Oct. 11, 2007

The morning was dark and hazy. Killed time in my hotel room before we left for our first destination, w/c turned out to be Qiang and Tibet handicraft store, and a mini history museum w/c lead to the aforementioned store(s). Now our tour flyer said visits to Jewelry, Crystal and Pearl shops were not allowed. That said, girl's gotta make a buck. Sigh.

The mini-museum was my introduction to the existence of sky jade and Gzi beads, stones with natural color combinations and patterns that resembled eyes, Buddha, and even Swastikas (the good kind). Pa bought me a Gzi bead necklace w/ a double-eye pattern, supposedly for “a stable marriage and harmonious family.” Personally I got tired of looking at all that sky jade, turquoise, amber and purple jade.

* * *

On the bus Xiao Mao told us a story about how back in JZG Park yesterday their security was asking for our passports. Xiao Mao found that unnecessary and complained to management, who in turn gave us 550RMB (or 50RMB per senior). Seems we were supposed to get a Senior Citizen discount. We all decided to give the money to her as part of her tip.

After lunch it was a 1-hour drive to HuangLong, a nature park that, in terms of hiking alone, made JZG National Park seem lightweight by comparison. During the climb the seniors gave up after the first kilometer, so it was up to me and Jenny to try and finish the remaining 3000 meters.

My Eleven-shot Panoramic Layout

After coming across a couple more similar looking sulfur-colored “water terraces,” waterfalls and free oxygen pit stops, eventually Jenny gave up as well, so I went on alone. If the guy w/ the limp and several other senior citizens that passed me on their way down the mountain was any indication, this should be a survivable endeavor. During my solo climb up it occurred to me that I left my wallet in the bus so if I ever need to buy some O² I’m outta luck.

Pah, O² tanks are for pussies. And what, “freezing cold?” I’m sweltering here! I managed to make it up to the Middle Temple, 3.4km above sea level. I’d have gone further but I’d already left the seniors alone for more than an hour, so I had to run downhill (so to speak) as fast as I could, Mika playing on my Muvo™ along the way. Dang if both Jenny and the Seniors weren’t where I left them.My mind was already of thinking of scenarios of how to get back w/o paying in case my bus left. Luckily I ran into Jenny and Xiao Mao, who in turn were looking for me. Xiao Mao had the Seniors wait in the bus to stave off possible hypothermia. During that hour climbing up and another hour running down, they said Pa was throwing a fit in the bus. Thankfully we still had plenty of time to catch our flight back to ChengDu.

* * *

During our 20-minute ride to the aiport Xiao Mao treated us w/ a mini-concert at a sign of gratitude. Right now we’re at our dark and gloomy gate waiting for our continuously delayed flight.

Odd Children's Book Titles

Caught Cine Europa 8pm Hungarian feature Just Sex and Nothing Else w/ Francesca. (Short review: if it was in English it would've been a so-so romantic dramedy. Who knows how Hungarians would've interpreted it.) But that's not that I'm here to talk about.

While doing our alternate restroom waits, some books on display at the kiddie section of PowerBooks caught my eye...

A pop-up book on The Titanic?!? (Historical or movie version, I wonder? Is there giant iceberg or Leonardo DiCaprio pop-up in the middle?) I'm guessing their follow-up book will be on the Hindenberg. ("With Hydrogen gas release action!")

Have your kid make her own fairy costume, with the end product resembling a prepubescent TinkerBell flesh-suit. The child labor overtones on this are just unsettling.

Dragonology? Hey, Timmy, how about a biology report on a creature that doesn't exist? I know a entire book on the subject...

Seems the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise went to entertainment venue to pseudp-science. Hey Timmy, here's a career option you can talk to the guidance councilor about.

11 Senior Citizens and 2 Adults (My China Vacation), Part 1 of 3

Boy, I hate transcribing, w/c is why it took a while for this to get blogged. This chronicles my recent trip to ChengDu, JiuZhaiGou and XiaMen, with the 'rents, my mom's friends and one of my mom's friends' niece:

Arrived at the airport “on time” as per NAIA security standards (3 hours before departure) but “too early” at the same time, as our check-in booth didn’t open ‘til an hour later. A few of the 11 senior citizens (and 1 adult, Jenny, 3 years my senior) I’m accompanying on this trip passed the time by taking turns on the digital weighing scale.

Things haven’t changed much in the departure area, in particular their high food prices. Sixty bucks for plastic bottled water? “Sweet Ideas” (the foodstand’s name) is right: Hey, these suckers can’t go outside for food! We could charge them whatever we want. What a sweet idea!

Flight from Manila to Xiamen (stopver) took 2 hours. Neglected to bring my phone and instead packed 2 digicams, 1 book and mp3 player. Xiamen International Airport looked the same as when I first came here in 2001: almost deserted. National Week-Long Holiday Hangover, I guess. Initially they had us waiting at the wrong departure gate, w/c was a hassle for those having to drag up their heavier carry-on luggage back up the flight of stairs. Slept through most of the flight.

* * *

ChengDu International Airport surprised me with it having its own shopping guide brochure, but has yet to catch up w/ the rest of the modern International Airport community by not having banned smoking. Outside we were greeted by our guide (or 导游)，Xiao Wu, who took us straight to the Holiday Inn to check in and rest a bit before heading back out for an early dinner. Our room has an amazing view of the shopping grounds out front and the promenade of the Pride Exhibition Center. To bad it was slightly obscured by the floodlights pointed at our plate glass window.

Dinner was a 12 or14-course meal (lost count since the waitresses just kept bringing out more food) of thankfully non-spicy dishes, despite ChengDu cuisine’s reputation to the contrary. Beer was a bland, though. When we got back to the HInn the Seniors had an impromptu photo session in front the glass waterfall and lily pad pond, while I walked around the promenade and took my own photos.

Xiao Wu said ChengDu is 500m above sea level, so it’d be interesting to see what’ll happen to us tomorrow when we leave for a place six times that altitude.

TUESDAY, Oct. 9, 2007

Since I shared a room w/ my folks I had to make do w/ the extra army cot the Holiday Inn provided, w/c provided me a not-so-good night’s sleep. It also didn’t help that Pa snored so loud that zombies were probably driven back to their graves.

Really? No need for a meal stub? I can head straight for the buffet? Righteous.

An hour after our breakfast we hopped on the bus. Xiao Wu said a couple of towels were missing from our room (not guilty), but she took care of it quickly and quietly later. (I just took the keycard.) Instead of the scheduled city tour and late afternoon flight to JiuZhaiGou, Xiao Wu instead took us to see pandas and booked an earlier flight for us.

When we got to the Panda Nursery and Conservation Center the Seniors opted for the golf cart ride instead of walking through the drizzling rain. The nursery (at least the one presented to the public) looked like a decrepit room from the PGH, only w/ baby pandas in the crib instead of human ones. From across the viewing windows there were monitors attached high up on the walls, where you can catch a grainy CCTV video of pandas in cages looking like tortured POWs. Or perhaps they were just sleeping. Still, wasn’t allowed to take pictures of this. Instead I shot videos of giant pandas and red pandas; w/c looked like a cross between a fox and a raccoon. (“Faccoons?”)

Lunch wasn’t as good as last night’s dinner, but their Snow brand beer had more kick (speaking as a layman, btw, not a connoisseur). Afterwards we headed straight for the airport to catch the 4PM flight. Our departure gate looked like it was designed by hardcore North Koreans, owing to the lack of color and bleak feel.

* * *

From the minute we arrived in JiuZhai my temples throbbed, I felt nauseous and short of breath. At first I thought it was from the rickety way the plane landed, but more likely my body was adjusting to the lack of oxygen in the area. The idiotic thing about all this was that we all felt woozy, but when our 导游 Xiao Mao asked if we were feeling any ill-effects none of us said a word. Guess all of us were in doubt.

JiuZhai Paradise International Resort (supposedly bought by the Hotel Intercontinental Group) looked expensive from the get-go. The Lamborghini displayed out front (available for rent, along w/ a Bently and a Hummer) certainly cried out for attention. And it was huge. The main lobby was encased in a large oval plexiglass dome that unsuccessfully kept out the cold. A “bidome” housing restaurants, bars, spas and shops accented w/ a Tibetan and Qiang motif. Their in-house tv channel boasts “five-star like” service, w/c is accurate. Feeling 5-star lang, as they cut corners w/ the furniture design (prop drawer handles?), while the buffet left much to be desired.

For the most part the place was picturesque, so I took a lot of pictures. Our rooms were classy to look at (sunken living room, to boot), but I still had to sleep on an army cot. Right shoulder’s killing me.

My Petition Against Kevin Nadal

Done as a way to vent, but hopefully it'll pick up steam. Sign here. Read below.

Filipinos Request Apology from Kevin Nadal
for Making Fil-Ams Look Bad

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View Current Signatures - Sign the Petition

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To: ABC Corporation and Kevin Nadal

We are writing to express concern and bewilderment about Kevin Nadal, a man w/ a serious lack of a sense of humor about the comment made in an episode of Desperate Housewives on 9/30/07. I think you know which one by now.

As members of the Filipino community who can actually take a joke, we are writing to inform you that this type of remark, while seen by some as discriminatory and hurtful, was ok with us, since we know you didn't mean any harm, nor was it said in malice. If anything it stayed true to form in showing Terri Hatcher's character Susan Myer's insecurity through ignorance.

Now while there are a overwhelming number of good and talented Filipinos out there, be it doctors or otherwise, take it from us: we're not all saints.* For every Lea Salonga and Manny Pacquiao we produce there's a Ferdinand Marcos and Leandro Aragoncillo standing by their side.

Filipinos are known around the world for our hospitality. What isn't as well known is our ability to see humor in times of distress and to laugh at ourselves when no-one else would. We believe Mr. Nadal's actions have done more harm than good. He's making it look like Filipino Americans can't take a joke, even one that wasn't that funny.

We also believe Mr. Nadal is not aware that Desperate Housewives is satire presented as soap opera. And fictional. And not subject to scrutiny in terms of factual information about how the world works, much less to take seriously a throwaway line one of its title characters said about a country she's probably never visited.

As Filipinos, we band together to ensure that Mr. Nadal's petition does not reflect the views of all Filipino-Americans, despite news to the contrary. It is ridiculous that this petition was made the headliner by arguably the biggest media-news outlet in the Philippines, blown completely out of proportion and now taken seriously by ABC itself. Ironically this media-news outlet's local sister channel carries Desperate Housewives in its foreign programming lineup.

Hateful messages and unfunny jokes are a part of Free Speech, something I believe Americans cherish. They should be allowed to continue, otherwise how can we distinguish between them and the truthful messages and funny jokes? To quote Avenue Q: Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true. But everyone is just about as racist as you! If we all could just admit, that we are racist a little bit, and everyone stopped being so PC, maybe we could live in harmony!

TO KEVIN NADAL: We request (not demand, because we're hospitable) a public apology to the Filipino community for making us look, to coin a local term, "balat sibuyas," or thin-skinned. And we suggest (not demand) that you take your head out of your butt (figuratively) and learn to use the remote control of your television, specifically the button that allows you to change the channel when you don't like what you're seeing or hearing what's on the screen.

Sincerely,

*Really, we only have one Filipino saint: Lorenzo Ruiz.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Rat-a-poo-ie

Just came back from tossing a dead rat into the garbage can downstairs.

The thing had been taunting us for days now. Tonight I saw it perched up the tree where our birdcage hung. Insecticide didn't work (spur of the moment action), so I got out the flypaper, w/c usually only worked w/ mice, but I was curious to see how it would handle something slightly bigger than a kitten.

Later Ma saw the rat come into the house. Pa and the security guard played cat to its bigger-and-uglier mouse, tapping away on the marble floor w/ an old PVC pipe and mop handle in an attempt to flush it out, but to no avail. In the end we thought it probably got out again, alive to irritate us another day.

The rest of the evening was uneventful, save for the To Be Continued that flashed across the TV screen at the of the 3rd season premiere of The Unit (best guy show ever!). Then something skittered across the floor in front of the office where I was watching My Name is Earl. Damn thing was still in the house after all.

I sprung into action, closing all doors (save for the one where I placed the flypaper) and barricaded the hallway leading to the kitchen. The latter action saved me a lot of chase time as the rat was unable to go around it. Back and forth across the living room we went, the rat skittering and me trying to get at it w/ the PVC pipe. A moment of ultimate frustration came over me when I saw it go through the narrow opening where the end of the sliding screen and glass doors and the wall met. DAMMIT SHIT DAMMIT not again, I thought. I kept poking around near the screen door. It hadn't gone all the way through! The rat was still between the screen door and the wall!

Thinking fast (or not thinking at all), I pushed the sliding screen door back to the wall to trap the rat. Whether my crushing it w/ the sliding doors or the subsequent bashing of its head w/ the PVC pipe finished it off, I really can't tell. Suffice to say I would've preferred the flypaper-smothering technique. (Newspapers and the PVC pipe proved mighty handy in disposing the body, though.)

It occurred to me that this was exactly how I killed my last rat. (Argh, why do all my successful rat kills have to this bloody? ) It also occurred to me that I should've taken a picture of the "crime scene" before I tossed out the rat for better graphic effect. Now all I have are pix of a bloody marble floor and screen door.

Honestly, I could think of way better ways to spend the evening after watching several hours of DLoaded TV.