Rat-a-poo-ie

Just came back from tossing a dead rat into the garbage can downstairs.

The thing had been taunting us for days now. Tonight I saw it perched up the tree where our birdcage hung. Insecticide didn't work (spur of the moment action), so I got out the flypaper, w/c usually only worked w/ mice, but I was curious to see how it would handle something slightly bigger than a kitten.

Later Ma saw the rat come into the house. Pa and the security guard played cat to its bigger-and-uglier mouse, tapping away on the marble floor w/ an old PVC pipe and mop handle in an attempt to flush it out, but to no avail. In the end we thought it probably got out again, alive to irritate us another day.

The rest of the evening was uneventful, save for the To Be Continued that flashed across the TV screen at the of the 3rd season premiere of The Unit (best guy show ever!). Then something skittered across the floor in front of the office where I was watching My Name is Earl. Damn thing was still in the house after all.

I sprung into action, closing all doors (save for the one where I placed the flypaper) and barricaded the hallway leading to the kitchen. The latter action saved me a lot of chase time as the rat was unable to go around it. Back and forth across the living room we went, the rat skittering and me trying to get at it w/ the PVC pipe. A moment of ultimate frustration came over me when I saw it go through the narrow opening where the end of the sliding screen and glass doors and the wall met. DAMMIT SHIT DAMMIT not again, I thought. I kept poking around near the screen door. It hadn't gone all the way through! The rat was still between the screen door and the wall!

Thinking fast (or not thinking at all), I pushed the sliding screen door back to the wall to trap the rat. Whether my crushing it w/ the sliding doors or the subsequent bashing of its head w/ the PVC pipe finished it off, I really can't tell. Suffice to say I would've preferred the flypaper-smothering technique. (Newspapers and the PVC pipe proved mighty handy in disposing the body, though.)

It occurred to me that this was exactly how I killed my last rat. (Argh, why do all my successful rat kills have to this bloody? ) It also occurred to me that I should've taken a picture of the "crime scene" before I tossed out the rat for better graphic effect. Now all I have are pix of a bloody marble floor and screen door.

Honestly, I could think of way better ways to spend the evening after watching several hours of DLoaded TV.