Baby Talk

In my attempt to save electricity I inadvertently woke up my 3-going-4-year-old nephew Jian from his afternoon nap. (Seems his sleep cycle was attuned to the air conditioner being turned on or off.) I tried to keep quiet, hoping he'd still be too groggy and fall asleep again. No such luck, as he saw me and made half-opened eye contact.

The weirdness started when I asked him (quietly) to go back to sleep. "What?" he asked, eyes tearing up and mouth blubbering. Whuh?

I repeated myself. Ditto for him w/ the tears and blubber. What did I say to elicit this reaction, I thought? Maybe he was lying on one of Mr. Potatohead's appendages and it was digging into his back? Unlikely.

While he was still awake I couldn't just leave the room. But after I browsed enough books I decided to make a go for it and ask him to come w/ me downstairs. More sniffling from him, almost about to bawl. And for some reason he was pointing to the table by the wall.

Now to place some things in context. One: Jian is of the generation of toddlers who speaks English as a first language and in complete, academic textbook sentences, since that's what his preschool teaches him. So if I want to make sense of what he's saying (and his inability to pronounce the letter L) I speak to him like we were on an American sitcom (i.e. like a small adult, but patronizing.)

Two: As my brother BoiT has taken on the role of fun-loving, ready-to-play uncle to our nephews and nieces, I have resigned myself to being the stern-but-not-completely-unapproachable, no-patience-for-whining uncle (the latter role my sister has taken for her kids, as well). I'm always reminded of that scene in House where Hugh Laurie's character takes a firm tone to a crying baby and tells him to be quiet, and the baby complies.

While I haven't tried it on babies, it seems to work on toddlers who speak English in complete, academic textbook sentences. Our exchange:

ME: Jian! What? What is it?

JIAN: (Sobbing.)

Jian. Shoti! I cannot talk to you when you're crying.

(Sobbing, points to wall)

Jian! 3-Tsiak will leave this room if you don't stop.

(Stops crying.)

Ok. What is it? What are you pointing at?

(Blubbering, points to wall)

Is it the table?

No... (points in general direction of wall)

Is it the mirror?

No... (points in general direction of wall)

That's a vase.

No... (points in general direction of wall)

Those are slippers.

No... (points in general direction of wall)

Is it the wall?
Yes...

What? The wall?
No...

Is there something on the wall?
No...

Is there something inside the wall?
Yes.

Shoti, did you have a bad dream?
Yes...

Are you still asleep?
No.

So are you awake?

Yes.

Shoti, you're awake so there's nothing there.

No... (in denial)

Shoti. Shoti! Who's in this room right now?

(Points to me.)

Yes. And?
Shoti.

No-one else, right?

Yes.

Ok. Let's go.

Ok.

Go wear your slippers.

Let's see Mamet come up w/ better dialog than that...